A Friendly Reminder About Amber’s Baby Shower

Good morning, all. Just a friendly reminder that if you want to contribute toward Amber’s office baby shower, please stop by my desk to do so before the end of this week. If you’re not sure what to give to help make this celebration a success, below are some suggestions.

Food/drink

A baby shower is a party, and a party needs snacks — and drinks, including but not limited to hard alcoholic beverages. Amber’s something of a foodie, so any snacks should be as natural and expensive as possible. This goes for the booze as well. As a rule, wine is better than beer, and beer is better than mixed drinks. That said, those of us who know and love Amber know she loves her gin and tonics, so it would be great if someone could bring a few bottles of name-brand diet tonic water (unflavored, please), someone else could bring a bag of organic limes (and a knife!), and several people could each bring a handle of gin. Whatever we don’t finish at the shower, Amber can take home.

Drugs

No, not those! The legal kind, for both Amber and her baby! Vitamins are always a good gift for a new mother and a newborn. Amber takes a daily multivitamin, which she supplements with additional Vitamin A, Vitamin C, and pantothenic acid (Vitamin B5) pills. And Amber’s baby will probably need those liquid drops at first, at least until it grows some teeth and can chew tablets. Amber has not decided yet whether she’s going to breastfeed, but in case she does it would be great if someone with a connection could score extra Vitamin D for the little guy or gal.

Toys

Everyone knows that kids love toys, and babies are just very little kids! So if you know any full-sized children, maybe find out what toys they like to play with, and then see if those toys come in smaller versions? (If you’d like to buy Amber herself a toy, please email me privately for the name of a website I don’t quite feel comfortable putting in a company-wide memo.)

Shower/bath supplies

Have you ever wondered why it’s called a “shower”? It’s because the first showers were celebrations of a young woman reaching an age when she would begin to take her personal hygiene seriously. Shower gifts back then were actual shower items, such as soaps (decorative and functional), body brushes/loofahs, shampoos, conditioners, and those things you stick on the floor of the tub to keep from slipping and cracking your head open on the faucet. So if you want to go old-school, maybe give Amber a set of bamboo-fiber towels or a high-pressure shower head.

Money

Some people think it’s tacky to give cash as a gift, but I asked Amber and she said she would not be at all insulted. She also said that if anyone thinks it would be cute to give her lottery tickets, so that she might win a substantial amount of money, she would honestly rather have the cash. Or, if you were going to buy the lottery tickets in a liquor store, something else from there.

A baby

Some of you already know that Amber is not pregnant. We first scheduled her baby shower about a year ago, at which time we — and Amber herself — anticipated that she would be “with child” by now, but it hasn’t happened yet. In Amber’s own words, “I kinda forgot.” But the shower must go on…and indeed Amber would still very much like to be a mom, for a little while anyway, so if anyone could contribute a baby to the cause, that would be terrific. If more than one person is willing and able to give or lend Amber a baby, let’s please coordinate so that we don’t overwhelm the woman of the hour with rugrats.

Thanks, everybody! Can’t wait to see you in the break room at 11 a.m. next Wednesday!

p.s. Plates?