Amish Amazon.com Reviews

GE 60-Watt Lightbulbs, soft white, 4-pack
$6.99
Reviewed by OatToJoy123

I’ll admit, I bought these because I was swayed by all the five-star reviews. As previous reviewers said, the glass itself is nice and is accurate to the “soft white” description. But to be honest, and I always am, I am not sure what to do with them.

One star.

 

Carhartt Men’s Duck Bib Overalls, brown
$64.99
Reviewed by Eli Smucker

Comfortable and durable, but the best thing about these overalls is that they are so plain. How plain are they? Even Brother Jedidiah did not covet them. Also the fit was very true to size. Appropriate for raising any kind of barn.

Four stars.

 

Little Tykes Dune Buggy, red
$369.99
Reviewed by Barley Surviving

Worst buggy I’ve ever seen. Where do you even put the horse?

One star.

 

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James, paperback
$8.97
Reviewed by AmericanGothic69

I find it difficult to understand the popularity of this series, considering it is nothing more than a heteronormative, stock redemption narrative re-imagined with bondage gear. While I support the full spectrum of erotic fantasies, it’s problematic that Ana’s sexual awakening only exists as a vehicle for Christian’s own emotional transformation. The author should be ashamed of herself for peddling patriarchal garbage. What is she, Mennonite?

No stars.

 

Quilted Throw in Blooming Prairie, queen
$59.46
Reviewed by Miriam A. Stoltzfus

Did you know you can buy quilts already made? I wasted countless hours with a needle and thread by candlelight, and here it is, already done. Sunshine and shadow quilt in crisp colors with a daisy-chain stitch! I’m going to the county fair with this bitch, and I can’t wait to see Sarah Yoder’s face when I win. How do you like them apple butters now, Sarah?

Five stars.