Bedtime Conversation With Myself

Chelsea 1: I am sooooo tired.

Chelsea 2: I know, right? Better get to sleep early if you want to go for a walk in the morning before it gets too hot. (Turns on white noise machine.)

Chelsea 1: Let’s check tomorrow’s temperature. Oooh. Seventy by 8 a.m. You might want to get some tweezing out of the way now.

Chelsea 2: Good idea. (Turns on lighted makeup mirror.)

Chelsea 1: Nasty cut there. Eyebrow razors aren’t as great an idea as they sound. Hey, whatever happened to that slashed model, what’s her name?

Chelsea 2: I’ll Google.

Chelsea 1: That’s OK. I remember. Marla Hanson. Wonder what she looks like now.

Chelsea 2: I’m on it!

Chelsea 1: Never mind. I’m tired.

Chelsea 2: Yo. Check it.

Chelsea 1: Aw, jeez. I didn’t want to see her after the attack. That’s terrible! I just want to know how she looks now.

Chelsea 2: You know? You’ve never heard a Pussy Riot song.

Chelsea 1: And?

Chelsea 2: Doncha wanna?

Chelsea 1: No! Yes… In the morning.

Chelsea 2: You won’t remember.

Chelsea 1: You’ve got me there.

Chelsea 2: YouTube!

Chelsea 1: I told you: I’m tired. Remember what happened last night. And the night before. And… hey, they’re good! I like a radical who can carry a tune. Whatever became of Abbie Hoffman’s kid, anyway?

Chelsea 2: Way ahead of you. According to Goog…

Chelsea 1: As long as we’re this awake, we might as well check Facebook notifications.

Chelsea 2: Facebook? I’m intrigued!

Chelsea 1: Figured you would be. Check email one more time, too, while you’re at it.

Chelsea 2: Chelsea?

Chelsea 1: Hm?

Chelsea 2: I don’t think I can fall asleep now.

Chelsea 1: It’s this bed. You need a divan. Or a daybed.

Chelsea 2: What’s the difference? Yeah, I know: Google.

Chelsea 1: Shh! Hold it. What’s that racket? Sounds like someone yelling outside.

Chelsea 2: Uh-oh. Could be a slasher. Quiet, while I turn off the white noise machine.

Chelsea 1: (Whispering) Let’s submit this tomorrow.

Chelsea 2: (Mocking whisper) We don’t have an ending.

Chelsea 1: Sleep on it.

Chelsea 2: I can’t sleep.

Chelsea 1: Find an ASMR video on YouTube.

Chelsea 2: Have they quit yelling?

Chelsea 1: I don’t know. Listen harder. Want a snack?

Chelsea 2: Snack, you say?