Common Cold or Seasonal Allergies or Internet Troll?

In autumn, it’s hard to tell if your stuffed head and unconscionable online behavior are the result of allergies, a cold, or being an anonymous jerk on the Internet. Take this quiz to get your diagnosis!

During which season are your symptoms the worst?
a) Fall
b) Spring
c) Winter
d) Election

Which of the following best describes your symptoms?
a) Runny nose
b) Runny nose and itchy skin
c) Runny nose, itchy skin, and misogyny

How long have your symptoms lasted?
a) A few hours
b) A few days
c) A few weeks
d) Since the days when America was worth a damn

Where are your symptoms the worst?
a) Parks
b) Indoors
c) Women’s Twitter feeds
d) Obamacare is the worst

Do you have a fever?
a) Yes, a slight fever
b) Yes, a high fever
c) No fever
d) You mad, bro?

Are you feeling achy?
a) Yes
b) No
c) This question sucks

What is the color of your nasal discharge?
a) Clear
b) Green
c) I don’t see color, because I’m not racist like this question, lol

Which of the following bothers you the most?
a) Your ears
b) Your nose
c) Black Lives Matter

Which sentence best applies to you?
a) I suffer from many symptoms
b) I suffer from only a few symptoms
c) I cause many other people to suffer from me

The comments section for this quiz is closed.

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Like this piece? Then you’ll love Mark’s new book Bullshit: A Lexicon.