The coalition of outdoor adventurers
You’re looking for a low-key hookup in a discreet location. You appreciate a little dirt under your fingernails, and you can tolerate, at least for one night, the notion that the combined scent of bug spray and sunscreen can be seductive. You may be overly confident about how nice your ass looks in athletic attire. Your middle name is Wilderness, but that’s probably because you don’t want this guy to know your real name.
Roller girls club
You’d like something that lasts longer than one night, but you’re not quite ready to wake up and cook breakfast for two. In fact, Hilary Clinton has inspired you to question whether or not a man is the way to go. Deep down, you know that you’ll settle down with a man, but you kissed a girl once and secretly hope that it will happen again, if only to confirm that it really was that much softer.
As a little girl, you knew princesses were a fantasy and that any boy who thought he needed to slay a dragon for you had been brainwashed by Disney movies. All these years later, you wouldn’t mind pretending that fairy tales exist for a day or two, which is to say you’d like to explore the kingdom a little, but you’re not ready to don a ball gown and glass slippers.
Geeks of the greater metropolitan area
You still want to have fun, but you’re ready to test out a longer commitment. No one here is trying to settle down anytime soon, although you’d all like to live long and prosper. You’re big into role playing, but you’ll eventually move on when too many members suggest a game that they affectionately call, “Kneel before Zod!”
Singles pub crawl
You don’t want to join Tinder, but you recognize that the concept of shoving a bunch of single and probably drunk people into a room may, possibly, fingers crossed, lead you to someone particularly swoon-inducing. You believe that at least some of your birthday wishes will eventually come true, if only the ones about wanting a pony. At this point, you’re pessimistic about finding love, but you’ll soon realize that things will turn around when you stop drinking vodka cranberries like they’re Diet Cokes.
20’s–30’s inspiration tribe
You know your lover is out there, somewhere, and you’re convinced that you’ll find him in the last place you look, which is pretty depressing to think about, because the last place you look will happen in the moment right before you die, but you’re sober and an optimist now, so you believe that partaking in random social events with strangers can fool fate into letting you meet Mr. Perfect a few years early. You acknowledge that you might have to settle for an overweight man with an aversion to deodorant. Inspirational quotes and teenage pop songs keep you believing that you’re destined for something greater.
Bitcoin consumer fair
You’re not a gold digger, but you enjoy a man who knows how to dress and believes in seemingly impossible ideals, such as true love and that someday the world’s strongest currency will be Monopoly money. You’re looking to settle down, and in order to accomplish that goal, you’re willing to commit yourself to a virtual relationship that may or may not develop any appreciable value.
5K race through your local cemetery
You’re exhausted from years of unfulfilling romance, so you’ve taken up running as a distraction. You’re looking for someone to grow old with, but unbeknownst to your conscious mind, you’re romantically stunted by outrageous beliefs, like that selecting burial plots is an appropriate first date. You’ll finish the race second, because you always finish second.
Singles speed dating
Do you watch porn?
Did you seriously just ask me if I watch porn?
Yeah, sorry. I don’t get out much.
Community arts festival
You’ve lost all hope and are shopping for dark, twisted paintings that perfectly express your endless agony about never finding love. The painter who owns this particular booth is talking to another customer about sports, and you interrupt him by asking what music festival that is that invites so many bands with regional animal names. The painter laughs at you, which would normally be cause to smack him in the man parts, but this laugh makes you feel like he appreciates your blind confidence. You might not marry him, mostly because he smells like his paintings don’t sell well enough for him to afford running water, but dating him will at least remind you that finding true love is not some planned event.