First World Word Problems

Aubree is helping to buy meats for grilling at the school picnic. She bought 25 pounds of hot dogs at $1.69 per pound, 70 pounds of hamburgers at $1.99 per pound, and 120 pounds of chicken breasts at $3.69 per pound. Why does Aubree insist on purchasing unsustainable sources of protein?

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There are 154 children taking swimming lessons at the community pool. If 10 children are assigned to each instructor, how many of them will be burdened by the unspeakable guilt of frolicking in the water while California suffers a historic drought?

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At a taffy pull, Paisley stretched the taffy to 6 feet. Harper stretched it 1 1/3 times as far as Paisley. Bentley stretched it 2/3 as far. What kind of parents allow their children to have such close proximity to high fructose corn syrup and artificial food coloring?

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Easton’s daddies departed from LAX for San Juan, Costa Rica at 7:35 a.m. If the airplane flies at an average speed of 550 miles per hour, and Easton stays with his grandmother for the duration of the three-week vacation, do his daddies still love him?

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Mila operates a fair trade espresso stand in her front yard. Across the street, Paxton set up a latte stand, using cheaper, conventionally grown beans. On Monday, Mila used 1 2/5 bags of ground espresso beans. Paxton used 1 1/4 times as many ground beans. How many more years will Mila spend in the daily struggle against the patriarchy?

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One afternoon, Brad spent $47 to buy a new leash for each of his dogs. Why does Brad have such a dull name?

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Jax bought two bags of organic quinoa for $23, then returned home. His mother sent him back to the store with $20 for kumquats and three bunches of Swiss chard. If kumquats are out of season, should Jax’s mom have joined a CSA instead?

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Mrs. Redford bought a package of 14 cookies, all made of wheat. Each cookie weighed 0.5 ounces. How many cookies will Mrs. Redford eat, hunkered behind the mops in the custodian’s closet, alone in the dark with her own despair, before her afternoon psychotherapy appointment?