Fourteenth Century Missed Connections

UR My Vision — m4w

We were riding together on a pilgrimage to Canterbury. You told me that you had big dreams of joining a convent or dying in childbirth. I shared that my patron saint had given me a vision of a wife who looked just like you. All of a sudden, you said that it was too crowded, and that you’d better ride further back. I lost track of you after that. Would love to meet again so I can tell you more about my vision.


One Hand is Enough to Hold Mine — m4w

You: wearing a burlap sack and having your hand amputated for stealing from the open market on the castle grounds.

Me: riding by on a magnificent white steed given to me for my service to His Majesty the King.

Your family pointed you out to me as they bowed so low their foreheads scraped the ground. Our eyes met just as the doctor placed a stick in your mouth to keep you from screaming. If you don’t die of gangrene, meet me outside the castle wall and I’ll let you touch my horse’s solid-gold saddle.


Clumsy Seeking Cute — w4m

I was a lowly lady-in-waiting for your mistress. You were the king of the entire country. Once, you sort of half-smiled at me when I tripped bringing in my lady’s jewels. If there is any chance at all that you might feel even moderate affection towards me, please introduce me to literally any of your noblemen.


My Heart Burns Brightly (Not Literally) — m4w

I had just set another pyre of maggot-eaten bodies on fire when, through the flames, I saw you being padlocked inside a house. Your beautiful blonde hair and bright blue eyes: I’ll never forget them. If you survive the plague that has apparently infected your entire family, please look for me. I’ll be the man holding the biggest torch. A real torch, I mean.


Already Looking Forward to 1367! — m4w

You’re only 18 months old, but I feel drawn to you, and not just because you’re the princess of this land who will eventually inherit a vast fortune. If you feel the same way in about 12 years, look me up! I’ll be on your father’s right, four guys down.


Nun But You — w4w

You: wearing black habit with a white wimple and veil…and a smile.

Me: awestruck by what I could see of your beauty, mostly your eyebrows.

You: sort of waved hello at me, until you realized I wasn’t the nun you were supposed to meet at the chapel door. (Btw, I don’t blame you — it’s hard to tell one set of eyebrows from another! LOL!)

Me: too shy to say anything except “Pray for me, sister.”

You: too distracted by spotting the nun you were waiting for to reply.

Me: hoping you’ll get in touch soon, with the name and address of the chapel where we sorta met, as well as on what feast day it was and the number of psalm we sang. Miracles happen!


My Brown-Eyed Girl (I Think?) — w4w

I’ll never forget how you looked in that brown dress, your brown hair braided on top of your head, your brown eyes peering out at me, your shoes brown in the brown mud, your skin brown from that very mud. I would love to get to know you although I won’t be able to pick you out in a crowd again. If you know you’re who I mean, send word, please.