Lies Volkswagen Told Me

“Clean diesel” is a thing.

Oh, wow, we’re really passionate about the environment, too!

Your car will get 42 mpg on the highway with low emissions.

You look beautiful behind the wheel.

You can trust us.

We’re just going out with some of our friends from Engineering. And Legal. Why are you so suspicious?

We’re totally over the whole Hitler thing.

Toyotas make you look fat.

When you complain that you can’t replicate our emissions test results under real road conditions, you sound exactly like your mother.

You look like her, too. Around the mouth.

Of course nothing’s going on between us and Legal, baby! You know, you really have a problem with jealousy.

You don’t need protection. We’re clean.

You’re crazy.

We’re sorry.

We can fix this.