Recipes for Disaster

Grilled Cheese
Ingredients: Bread, cheese, butter

Place cheese of choice between 2 slices of bread.
Put 1 tablespoon of butter in a pan and heat at medium-low.
Place sandwich in skillet.
While sandwich cooks, go to your computer.
Check your email and G-chat your friend.
Scroll through Facebook.
Consider accepting friend request from your aunt.
Look at what news stories are trending.
Read brief report about a man who police found high in a pile of Doritos.
Open YouTube.
Everyone is talking about Drake’s new video, so watch Drake’s new video.
Let YouTube play another one.
And another one.
Halfway through the third video, realize that smoke is everywhere and the fire alarm has gone off.
Turn off the stove and spend 10 minutes waving a dish towel at the alarm.
Your grilled cheese is now burned to a crisp.

 

Ravioli
Ingredients: Bread, olive oil, wine, ravioli package 

Invite 3 friends over for dinner.
Pour water into a deep pot and turn stove temperature to high.
While water boils, set the table.
Open a bottle of wine and pour everyone a glass.
Tell friend with most respected music taste to DJ.
Put a loaf of bread and a small bowl of olive oil on the table.
While friends are enjoying the wine, music and bread, go to the kitchen to check on the water.
See the water is boiling.
Go to the freezer to take out the ravioli package you bought a couple weeks ago.
Ravioli isn’t there.
Contemplate what could have happened.
Text your roommate; ask him if he ate it.
Roommate admits to making ravioli 2 nights ago at 3 a.m. when he came home drunk.
Ravioli is now no longer an option.

 

Pancakes
Ingredients: Flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, milk, vegetable oil, egg

Place all ingredients on table.
Mix the flour, baking powder, sugar and salt in a bowl.
In a separate bowl, combine the milk, vegetable oil and egg.
Pour the second bowl into the first bowl.
Heat a pan at medium-high.
Spoon a small amount of batter onto the pan and flip with a spatula when ready.
Repeat until all batter is used.
Place stack of pancakes on a plate and sit down.
Add a generous amount of maple syrup.
See that there is flour and baking powder all over the table.
Notice that milk spilled on the floor.
Look at the stove and see batter splashed everywhere, some of it even on the walls.
Be horrified at the utter mess this seemingly simple breakfast caused.
Clean for 20 minutes: scrub the stove top and wall, wipe down the table and mop the floor.
Your pancakes are now cold and soggy.