Study Confirms Direct Correlation Between Your Interest in Kim Kardashian, How Much I Hate You

CHICAGO — Publishing their findings in the American Journal of Sociology, a team of researchers at the University of Chicago have identified a direct correlation between how much you care about Kim Kardashian and how much I despise your very existence.

“These results are as unambiguous as they come,” the study’s lead researcher, Michael Anderson, told me. “Time and time again, the more someone is concerned with the latest news about Kim, the more you dislike them on a visceral, primal level.”

Furthermore, Anderson and his team were able to show the same link between your interest in any member of the larger Kardashian brood and my unmitigated abhorrence of your being.

“We see the same hatred toward people concerned with any of Kim’s immediate and extended relations,” Anderson said. “This includes Kanye, North, Saint, and all of the Jenners.”

Anderson attributes the study’s success to the vast sample size at the team’s disposal. “The number of people who give a shit about the Kardashian family is staggering,” he said. “For science, that’s great.”

For humanity? Only time will tell.


Photo: Eva Rinaldi