Target Loses Only Customer to Ever Use a Target Bathroom

HATTIESBURG, MS — Backlash over retail giant Target’s recently announced transgender restroom policy reached new heights today as the one customer to ever use a Target bathroom vowed to never shop there again.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this. I really am,” Mississippi resident Ryan Smythe told reporters earlier today. “I’ve shopped at Target for years, but in light of recent developments, I can’t continue to support them.”

Smythe says he hasn’t decided which establishment he’ll turn to for his discount goods and public restroom needs but that Walmart is “a strong contender.”

“They seem more aligned with my personal values,” said Smythe.

Losing a loyal customer in such a high-profile fashion could be disastrous for a business, but Target remains optimistic in the midst of controversy.

“We’re sad to see Mr. Smythe go, but from a financial perspective, maintaining the restrooms in all our stores for the sake of the one customer who ever used them was a huge expense,” said a spokesperson for the company. “Now that we can shutter the bathrooms in each of our nearly 1,800 locations, we can use that valuable square-footage for things more customers will actually use, like expanded Starbucks seating or additional aisles for seasonal decorations.”

Encouraged by this unexpected upside to the bathroom initiative, Target is currently reviewing strategies on how to best alienate the six people who have ever eaten at one of its in-store Pizza Hut locations.


Photo: Jay Reed