Trump Supporters Unanimously Oppose Returning From Alternate Universe

WASHINGTON — In a recent survey of Donald Trump supporters, a full 100 percent of respondents said they would be “strongly against” any attempt to leave the warped reality they inhabit and return to the cosmic domain in which the rest of us reside.

“I don’t think we have any business focussing our energy on interdimensional travel when there are so many more pressing issues at hand,” said one survey participant, whose vote is worth just as much as yours. “Like, where did we leave off on Obama’s birth certificate? Until that’s resolved, I definitely couldn’t support this kind of measure.”

“It sounds expensive. It’s not something we should be spending taxpayer money on,” said another respondent about the prospect of Trump proponents departing their bizarro version of our known universe.

One after another, each occupant of some distorted section of spacetime echoed the sentiment.

“Before we worry about getting back within the confines of a realm governed by predictable and familiar physical laws, we should deal with all the rapists and other immigrants invading our borders,” said another voter endowed with the same democratic rights and powers as you and me.

One Trump advocate offered a different, but no less conclusive, take: “Honestly, it’s fantastic occupying a spatial plane completely detached from logic and reason. It’s amazing how much time frees up when you’re unburdened by concepts like veracity and rational thought.”

And what does a delusional member of the electorate do with all this extra time?

“Mostly I’ve been catching up on reading. Did you know they did a new run of Mein Kampf?”


Photo: Darron Birgenheier