The Rules of Gluten-Free Fight Club

The first rule of Gluten-Free Fight Club is: You always talk about your gluten-free lifestyle.

The second rule of Gluten-Free Fight Club is: YOU ALWAYS TALK ABOUT YOUR GLUTEN-FREE LIFESTYLE.

Third rule of Gluten-Free Fight Club: Someone questions your diet, asks what quinoa flour is, or casually inquires why you’re eating a burger patty with a fork, the fight is on.

Fourth rule: As many siblings and in-laws to a fight as possible.

Fifth rule: Regardless of how uncomfortable everyone is, or how unsubstantiated your health-benefit claims are, the gluten-free fight continues.

Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes, no shame. You are to be cloaked only in your own self-righteousness.

Seventh rule: Gluten-free fights will go on as long as they’re novel, or until the natural reprieve of dessert (which you will decline).

And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first month or so eating gluten-free, you have to fight.