What Your Favorite Workout Says About You

Sweatin’ to the Oldies
You have eaten potpourri, which you thought were Skittles, which you could’ve sworn were your heart medication.

ThighMaster
You talk nonstop about an infected tooth. Not yours, your neighbor’s.

Jane Fonda’s Workout
You half-sleep during the CBS Evening News.

Buns of Steel 
Your spirit animal is Red Fraggle.

Stop the Insanity!
You have accidentally worn fingerless leather gloves to a funeral.

INSANITY Workout
You deliberately wore leather to a funeral.

8-Minute Abs
You have charged your cellphone at a funeral.

Bowflex
You have been caught kissing a life-size replica of Vin Diesel.

The Shake Weight
You own a poster of Michelle Obama’s toned arms.

Cross-Training
Both your safety school and your safety word is Yale. 

Spinning
You love the chase.

Tae Bo
You only date single moms. 

Bikram Yoga
You drink iced coffee. 

Nude Yoga
You drink hot green tea.

The Book Club Workout
You drink artisanal wine.

Pilates
You have VIP tickets to see Mumford & Sons.

Bowling
You watch the Golf Channel while you contemplate working out.

Aerobics
You have written a negative review of a cruise vacation, in which you used the word “Poseidon.”

Ballroom Dancing
You wore a top hat to prom.

Pole Dancing
You lost your virginity at prom.

Hula Hooping
You went to prom with your gay best friend.

Boxing
You were the bouncer at prom.

Fencing
You hit on your teacher at prom.

Sweat Lodge
You have heckled a hotel concierge.

Prancercise 
You’re a proud Brony.

Zumba
You have defended Pitbull’s music career.

Medicine Balls
You hold the elevator for strangers.

Parkour
WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ELEVATOR??? 

Stretching
You’re that weird smell in the elevator.